Marcus Aurelius Meditations
Marcus Aurelius: Of Catulus, not to contemn any friend's…
Of Catulus, not to contemn any friend's expostulation, though unjust, but to strive to reduce him to his former disposition: freely and heartily to speak well of all my masters upon any occasion, as it is reported of Domitius, and Athenodotus: and to love my children with true affection.
The passage follows a public-domain translation of Meditations. The reading beside it is ours.
When a friend complains, the first task is not to prove that they are unfair. It is to understand what has gone wrong between you and try to restore the relationship. Marcus admired people who could receive criticism without contempt, speak generously about their teachers, and love their children openly. These are connected habits: they require putting the relationship ahead of your ego. A friend's accusation may be clumsy or partly mistaken, yet it can still contain useful information about how your actions landed. Listen for the hurt beneath the wording. You do not have to accept every claim, but you can refuse to turn defensiveness into distance. Praise the people who formed you rather than acting self-made, and make affection obvious to the people who depend on you. Today, respond to one tense relationship with curiosity: "Help me understand what you needed from me."
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