Epictetus Enchiridion
Epictetus: When any person harms you, or speaks badly of…
When any person harms you, or speaks badly of you, remember that he acts or speaks from a supposition of its being his duty. Now, it is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you, but what appears so to himself.
The passage follows a public-domain translation of the Enchiridion. The reading beside it is ours.
When someone insults you, excludes you, or acts unfairly, they are usually following their own mistaken idea of what is right, necessary, or deserved. That does not make their behavior acceptable, and it does not require you to tolerate it. It does explain why taking it personally is often a dead end. Your coworker may think their bluntness is honesty. A friend may think canceling plans protects their overloaded schedule. An online stranger may believe cruelty proves something. They are not consulting your standards before they act; they are obeying their own view. See that clearly and you gain room to respond instead of react. Set a boundary, correct the record, or walk away if needed. But do not hand them control of your inner state by demanding they see the situation exactly as you do. Their judgment is theirs. Your response remains yours.
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