Marcus Aurelius Stoic teachings
Marcus Aurelius: When another wrongs you, ask at once…
When another wrongs you, ask at once what they thought good or bad in doing it. Seeing this, you will pity rather than rage, and more readily forgive their error.
A paraphrase of a teaching associated with Marcus Aurelius, written for modern readers. Not a transcription of a copyrighted edition.
Understanding another person's mistaken aim does not excuse the harm they caused. It does, however, loosen the grip of outrage. People may act defensively because they fear loss, seek status because they feel insecure, or speak harshly because they confuse force with strength. Their judgment can be poor without their believing themselves evil. When you are hurt today, try to identify the belief that may have guided the other person. What were they trying to protect, gain, or avoid? This question creates enough distance to choose a useful response. You can set a boundary, correct the record, or leave the situation without adding hatred to it. Compassion is compatible with firmness. It simply refuses to make another person's confusion the ruler of your own mind.
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